Interview with Gary Morgenstein, author of How to Find a Woman...Or Not

Gary Morgenstein’s novels include Loving Rabbi Thalia Kleinman, about a divorced man who falls in love with a beautiful woman rabbi; Jesse’s Girl, a powerful story about a father’s search for his adopted teenage son, and Take Me Out to the Ballgame, a political baseball thriller, as well as the baseball Rocky The Man Who Wanted to Play Center Field for the New York Yankees. His prophetic play Ponzi Man played to sell-out crowds at the New York Fringe Festival. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, surrounded by lots of books and rock and roll CDs.

Gary is here to talk about his newest release, How to Find a Woman...Or Not.

Thank you for this interview, Gary. Can we begin by having you tell us why you chose to write about relationships?

I want to help guys find a woman to share their life with. That’s what this book is about. For guys, whether you’re 25 or 55, who want to find a woman. For women, because if we don’t have a dialogue into what we really think and want, we will never reach each other. To share my crazy and funny and painful experiences and to give you dos and don’ts and why nots. Guiding and shaping your romantic pursuits aided by “spinning” techniques I developed through my years as a public relations executive.

From online dating to public transportation, the myth of metrosexuality, the mystery of younger women, grooming/clothes/smelling right, good and bad convos, what did they actually mean when they said that and why talking on the phone after a first date is a bad idea, hitting on girls walking their dogs, airport lounges, yoga class, alienating helpful friends, risking job security over a pair of pretty brown eyes, I will help you find someone to share a movie and take away on a Saturday night.

Or your life.

Q. Did you outline before you wrote your book or just went with the flow?

I try to be organized, but I find that the writing becomes my outline as I see what I have to work with. Chaptering helped focus me, too.

Q. What kind of research did you do before putting this book together?

Like two million dates, how’s that, lol? In addition to my own experiences, I also used those of friends, men and women, and talked to lots and lots of people about what makes them want someone, what they find attractive, what turns them off.

Q. What was the hardest part to write?

Besides that evil blank page, you mean? For me, it was just how much of myself to reveal in what was an unfamiliar platform – non-fiction. I’ve published four novels, including a romantic triangle, Loving Rabbi Thalia Kleinman, about a divorced man who falls for a beautiful woman rabbi. When you write fiction, you can hide behind your characters. Here, sharing all my dating experiences, I was in my literary boxer shorts, so to speak. How much to write, how much to say? How much of Gary?

Q. What message are you trying to get across to your readers with this book?

That yes, finding love is awfully hard. Two perfect strangers from different backgrounds and then you want to live together and decide on drapes? Does that make sense? Along with all the impediments of the emotional baggage we accumulate? But I wanted to convey that it is possible and important to believe in love, because it keeps you young. And when it comes, it is wonderful. What is better than knowing someone loves you and cares about you and is there for you?

Q. Do you plan on writing more relationship books?